The Punjabi Alphabet ...by Rajiv Kelkar

Please read with the "proper Punjabi" pronunciation to enjoy it fully!

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. ... "Dfence Cloney".

E is for Expanditure. Punjabis are never shy of spending money - the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building being the back, of course.

G is for Guddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder.

H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.

J is for Jindagi, and if there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses

L is for Lovely, but unfortunately she almost never is.

M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.

N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise , a greeting, anger or pain .

P is for Panch Mint, and no matter how near <1 km> or far <100 km> a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panch mint.

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.

T is for the official bird of Punjab: Tandoori chicken.

U is for when a Punjabi loses his sex appeal and becomes "Uncle-ji"

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakhs and counting.

W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.

Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zigzag.