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Welcome to Mantalai

Moungri mela at Sar Dabber begins---- courtesy Tribune News Service

Udhampur, May 14

A large number of visitors arrived at Sar Dabber (Moungri) in Panchari block of Udhampur district on the first day of the three-day Moungri Mela, which commenced today.

People from Bhamag, Panchari, Udhampur, Chenani, Ramnagar of Udhampur district and Jammu paid obeisance to Lord Shiva in the naturally engraved Shiva-Parvati Cave Shrine on the banks of flowing rivulet in the lap of nature.

The district administration has made adequate arrangements of security, transport, medicare, drinking water and power supply during mela, besides asking different departments to install their departmental stalls to make people aware about various state and Centre-sponsored employment oriented, poverty alleviation, agriculture and horticulture related schemes.

The J&K Indian Style Wrestling Association is also organising a wrestling match at Sar Dabber on May 16.

Declare Moungri "Heritage Village"

Copy of letter was sent to Daily Excelsior


Sir,




Fortunate enough that the mountainous village Moungri of district Udhampur, besides being famous for having sacred abode of naturally formed Shiv-Parvati Caves Shrine, is enjewelled with several other ancient shrines. The innumerable shrines of various deities/devtas at fabulous spots viz magnificent hill tops, scenic slopes, beautiful meadows etc within the radius of 6-7 km, are quite unique and its adjoining part is abundantly decked with such wonderful shrines that add alluring charm and breath-taking attraction to its bountiful natural pilgrim-tourist potential. The village Moungri undoubtedly is a "village of shrines'' like Jammu as "City of Temples''. It has more than 33 shrine sites within aforesaid radius.






Keeping in view the matchless and rich heritage scattered all-around the all seasons' village Moungri deserves to be declard as "Heritage Village''. To identify and tap the shrines and collect more information about the hidden treasure along with area's climatic, topographic and infrastructural aspects, a survey of concerned officials should be deputed. So that the multifaceted treasure, which is a noble symbol of cultural heritage and communal harmony, may come to light. In this way the blessed area would assume more significance as well as great boost in Pilgrim-tourism setor on the one hand and priceless heritage would be preserved and promoted for the future generations on the other. It is also relevant to mention here that the Government has already made village Moungri, Youth Hostel Moungri the base camp of the 7 days Moungri-Mantalai Heritage Trek. In the trekking expedition not only domestic but foreign trekkers also participate in large numbers.






Yours etc...


Swatantra Dev Kotwal
1/226, Subhash Nagar, Udhampur

Welcome to Moungri

1-Chalogurgaon Project

Advertising, Publishing & Media


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Repair & Service Centre

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Shopping

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- Matrimonial Services

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- Sweets

Believe in your presence of mind and never panic

A little bit of humour,


Presence of mind!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added
immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?". To this the boy said, "I come from Mexico . The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!! ".

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Mexico ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

Morale - Believe in your presence of mind and never panic!!!!!!! !

Obituary~ Travails of modern living by London Times

Obituary~ Travails of modern living by London Times



How Sad..... We will miss you Common Sense




Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,  who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  1- Knowing when to come in out of the rain.

  2- Why the early bird gets the worm .

  3- Life isn't always fair.

  4- and, Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies.... .....
 
and reliable strategies
  .
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but, overbearing, regulations were set in place.
 
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate.
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.

These only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
 
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
 
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death:

by his parents Truth and Trust,
by his wife, Discretion,
by his daughter, Responsibility,
and by his son,Reason.. .

He is survived by his four stepbrothers,
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended "his" funeral because so few realized
"he" was gone..

A chat with God

A chat with God



This is a lovely read…please savour it…specially the one-liners…just beautiful



  AN ENCOURAGING ENCOUNTER WITH THE WISDOM OF ALL AGES:GOD



God: Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No. Who is this?

God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time..

God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher.. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading.

God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me : In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing..

Me: What surprises you about people?

God: When they suffer they ask, "why me? When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can't get the answer.

God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the day with a new sense of inspiration.

God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

Consultants- Indian cow and Aussie bull

The Australian High Commissioner told the Indian Neta" Sir, the Indian cow is very weak and thin. She cannot give much milk. I will help you to increase the milk yield from the Indian Cows." The Neta was impressed and readily agreed.

The Australian HC then imported a huge Australian Bull for mating with the Indian Cow.
He wanted to make a big show of the whole thing.
He constructed a ring ,got the Bull and Cow into the ring and invited all the Indian Netas to witness.

After the speeches and garlanding it was time for the main programme to begin. All eyes were on the Australian Bull.He went near the Indian Cow smelt her and went off. Again he went near the Indian cow, sized her up,licked her and went off. This went on for some time.The Australian HC was getting worried as his show would become a flop show. He went to the Aussie bull and whispered something into the Bull's ear. Immediately the Bull snorted,sprung into action, ran towards the Indian Cow and did his job.
Everybody started clapping and the show was a big success.One of young Netas went to the Australian HC and asked him" Sir, what was the inspiring stuff you tell the Bull which made him act"
The Aussie HC said. " I told him that you have not come here as a consultant. You have come here to perform"

Cheers to that

To know more about the kind of shit that the haloed firms are, you may read the following article from Mckinsey. Pedestrian stuff.
Just believe in yourselves, guys. We are good as long as we do not ape these jokers. have self confidence and outthink them.
In one of a series of interactive presentations, McKinsey director Rob Latoff offers insight into the industry cost curve, a business school classic for understanding pricing. By bringing discipline and a practical set of definitions to bear, this framework can be applied to real-world, competitive markets.

What happens when you read the Bhagavat Geeta?

Thanks, Mudit. For once I read along circular. enough to get the gist. Good one. I have read the Gita several hundred times to understand. Finally got it. It is an amazing book, in my opinion. I am the basket and Gita, the river.

Very much like this incident, I did not learn what I set out to learn......... Karmanyevadhikaste........., which people often talk about, but "kaaloayam" and "I am greater than the greatest and smaller than the smallest at the same time"

Quite similar to this story. ..... The kid is supposed to fetch water but ends up cleaning the basket. Everyone gets something from Gita......... something intended, something unintended. Gita does not disappoint.



Here is one for all of us YC included!! In continuation of Arun's jest of the day.


Why do we read Bhagvad Geeta?

This is a beautiful story - if inspired please forward, or else keep it . Can't say when it might inspire you!

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Geeta.

His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, 'Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavat Geeta just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavat Geeta do?'

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, 'Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.'

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house.

The grandfather laughed and said, 'You'll have to move a little faster next time,' and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again.

This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home.

Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in basket, and he went to get a bucket instead.
The old man said, 'I don't want a bucket of water, I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough,' and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.
The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, 'See Grandpa, it's useless!'
'So you think it is useless?' The old man said, 'Look at the basket.'
The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

'Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavat Geeta. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out.





Cheers
Mudit

how did we survive growing up in the 70's nd 80's

When i watch the kids of today i wonder how did we survive growing up in the 70's nd 80's?

We had no seatbelts, no airbags..

Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…

No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…

When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…

We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bicycles even when the brakes failed going downhill.

We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….

We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…

We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bicycle.

We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other…. How?

We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses…. nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours

We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, fruits..yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.

And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swig from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs...

We did not have Play Stations, MP3, Nintendo's, I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD's, Home Cinema, home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc ...

BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!

We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the backdoor…

We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer game, over and over again…

When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade…without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors…

Such were the days…

We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..

Most of all, we learned to respect others…

Maybe this message will help you forget the stress thay surrounds us these days….and just for a few moments put a smile to their faces as they remember what life was really like in the good old days……

Keep Smiling
Jain

WHY AMERICA'S ECONOMY FELL OFF THE CLIFF

WHY AMERICA 'S ECONOMY FELL OFF THE CLIFF

  John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
  JAPAN > for 6 am.
  While his coffeepot

  was perking, he shaved with his
  electric razor

  He put on a
  dress shirt
  LANKA>,

  designer jeans

  and
  tennis shoes
  KOREA>
  After cooking his breakfast in his new
  electric skillet

  he sat down with his
  calculator

  to see how much he could spend today. After setting his
  watch

  to the radio

  he got in his car
  GERMANY >
  filled it with GAS
  Saudi Arabia >
  and continued his search
  for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
  At the end of yet another discouraging
  and fruitless day
  checking his
  Computer
  ,
  John decided to relax for a while.
  He put on his sandals
  ,
  poured himself a glass of
  wine

  and turned on his
  TV
  ,
  and then wondered why he can't
  find a good paying job
  in AMERICA
  AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA
   

Wisdom Of A Retiree!!

Wisdom Of A Retiree!!

 
  I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired? Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.

GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!

It's another morning..


... Again I have to go to office.

Ohh, this is me. I shouted having a glance on my snap in today's newspaper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??

Strange.

One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe
pain in my chest, but I don't remember anything after that, I think I had a
sound sleep.

Its morning now,
ohh... It's already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me.

Where is everyone.??? I screamed.

"I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check." I said to
myself..

So many people... Not all of them crying.
But why some of them crying.

WHAT IS THIS??? I m laying there on the floor.

"I AM HERE" . I shouted!!! No one listen.
"LOOK I AM NOT DEAD" . I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.

I went back to my bed room.

"Am I dead??" I asked myself.

Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?

I found them in the next room, all of them were crying. still trying to console each other.


My wife was crying. she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his mom was sad.


How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I m . just because of u ??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have
done most of the wrong things in my life. thanks for being there always
when I need them. and sorry for not being there when they really need me..

I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears.
Ohh. he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part,
and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.

I went there..
And offered him my hand, "Dear friend. I just want to say
sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me."

No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his
ego, I am saying sorry. even then!!!
I really don't care for such people.


But one sec.. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness. AM I REALLY DEAD???

I just sat down near ME, I was also feeling like crying.

"OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE
JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS."
I just wasn't to make my wife, my parents, my friends realize that how much I love them.

My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
"YOU R BEAUTIFUL" I shouted.
She didn't hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never
said this to her.

"GOD!!!!" I screamed. a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. .
I cried.

One more chance please. to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to
feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends
for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life..

Then I looked up and cried!!!!

I shouted..

"GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!"

"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I was sleeping..
Ohh
that was just a dream..

My wife was there. she can hear me.This is the happiest moment of my life.
I hugged her and whispered.. "U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN
THIS UNIVERSE.. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR"

I can't understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I m happy..


"THANK YOU GOD FOR
THIS SECOND? CHANCE."


SO, Now it's not late.. Forget Ur Egos, Past. and Xpress Ur love to others.
Be friendly. Keep smiling. for ever...

Dear Friends,
Keep your ego aside and express your love, care, appreciation, friendship, because you won't get a second chance always.
And what happened to the floater of an idea called "get together......"

Cheers!!
AJain

WAQT NAHI

 A VERY BEAUTIFUL POEM ON TODAY'S FAST LIFE.


  " WAQT NAHI "

  Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
  Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
  Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
  Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

  Maa Ki Lori Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
  Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
  Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
  Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi..

  Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
  Par Dosti Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
  Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
  Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

  Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
  Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
  Dil Hai Gamon Se Bhara ,
  Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

  Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
  Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
  Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
  Jab Apne Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

  Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
  Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
  Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
  Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.........

Mera Bharat Mahaan!! Application Form For ‘Lok Sabha Election’

Mera Bharat Mahaan!!

In the hustle and bustle of another 'futile' round of elections, I came across an amusing bit wihch is somewhat relevant in our polity of today.

Cheers



APPLICATION FORM FOR LOK SABHA ELECTION -PLEASE CIRCULATE.



ELECTION-PLEASE CIRCULATE.
Application Form For ‘Lok Sabha Election’




1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________

2. Present Address:
Name of Jail: ____________ _________
Cell Number: ____________ _________

3. Political Party: ____________ _________ *List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological Order

4. Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- Mayawati
D- Mamta Banerjee



5. Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.. Reasons for leaving last party
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue


8. How many years of public service experience do you
possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs

9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you

10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]

A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years

11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow...


13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in
mind? []
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No

14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]



Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India, India.

FRIENDS VS. PUNJABI FRIENDS

FRIENDS VS. PUNJABI FRIENDS



FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad



FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Cry with you.




FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.


FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.


FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.
 
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'


FRIENDS: will visit you in jail
PUNJABI FRIENDS: will spend the night in jail with you!!


FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
PUNJABI FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital.


FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
PUNJABI FRIENDS: have your number memorized

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Might ignore this.
PUNJABI FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their Punjabi Friends.

MINDBLOWING: VIJAYAKANTH'S Dialogues in English

MINDBLOWING: VIJAYAKANTH'S Dialogues in English



1> U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate

2> U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH

3 > U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College

4 > U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5> A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software

6 > U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup

7> U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.


Thanks & Regards

Its your Attitude and not your Aptitude that determines your Altitude

Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed live on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the woman who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this reply!!!


This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.



It is a portion of a live National Public Radio interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery & shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?


GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not. Are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!-

Its your Attitude and not your Aptitude that determines your Altitude

A PERFECT LETTER TO PM

A PERFECT LETTER TO PM.



Dear Mr. Prime minister



I am a typical mouse from Mumbai. In the local train compartment which has capacity of 100 persons, I travel with 500 more mouse. Mouse at least squeak but we don't even do that.



Today I heard your speech. In which you said 'NO BODY WOULD BE SPARED'. I would like to remind you that fourteen years has passed since serial bomb blast in Mumbai took place. Dawood was the main conspirator. Till today he is not caught. All our bolywood actors, our builders, our Gutka king meets him but your Government can not catch him. Reason is simple, all your ministers are hand in glove with him. If any attempt is made to catch him everybody will be exposed. Your statement 'NOBODY WOULD BE SPARED' is nothing but a cruel joke on this unfortunate people of India .



Enough is enough. As such after seeing terrorist attack carried out by about a dozen young boys I realize that if same thing continues days are not away when terrorist will attack by air, destroy our nuclear reactor and there will be one more Hiroshima .

We the people are left with only one mantra. Womb to Bomb to Tomb. You promised Mumbaikar Shanghai what you have given us is Jalianwala Baug.


Today only your home minister resigned. What took you so long to kick out this joker? Only reason was that he was loyal to Gandhi family. Loyalty to Gandhi family is more important than blood of innocent people, isn't it?


I am born and bought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe me corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar . Look at all the politician, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief minister I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day, make money and send it to Delhi so Congress can fight next election. Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fisherman so they can build concrete house right on sea shore. Next time terrorist can comfortably live in those house , enjoy the beauty of sea and then attack the Mumbai at their will.


Recently I had to purchase house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me knows this and with all your intelligent agency & CBI you and your finance minister are not aware of it.. Where all the black money goes? To the underworld isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time please come to me, I will tell you everything.


If this has been land of fools, idiots then I would not have ever cared to write you this letter. Just see the tragedy, on one side we are reaching moon, people are so intelligent and on other side you politician has converted nectar into deadly poison. I am everything Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Schedule caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian Schedule caste, Creamy Schedule caste only what I am not is INDIAN. You politician have raped every part of mother India by your policy of divide and rule.

Take example of former president Abdul Kalam. Such a intelligent person, such a fine human being. You politician didn't even spare him.. Your party along with opposition joined the hands, because politician feels they are supreme and there is no place for good person.


Dear Mr Prime minister you are one of the most intelligent person, most learned person. Just wake up, be a real SIKH. First and foremost expose all selfish politician. Ask Swiss bank to give name of all Indian account holder. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolf among us.. There will be political upheaval but that will better than dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambient where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law. Everything else will be taken care of.


Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one person or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?

Philosophy--9-Etymology of X-mas, September, October, November, December

Philosophy--9-



X-Mas tenth month

sept sapt 7

oct 8

nov nav 9

dec dus 10

Philosophy-- 8-Kashmir Problem- Solution

Philosophy-- 8- Both India and Pakistan should leave the hatred of religion and sit together to find a most viable solution for Kashmir for the betterment of their people. Indians should accept the LOC as International Border and so should Pakistan thereafter sealing of the entire border line is to be done.



In other words a line is drawn for both. This may be difficult to accept but this will stop the killing of many innocents in future, if this issue is not resolved. Those wanting Kashmir as separate nation on the basis of religion should look in retrospect and find that it was already done in 1947 and happily they can go and live in any country they want.

Philosophy--7-Partition of India--Lamhon ne khata ki........

Kuch aise bhi manzar hai twarikh ki nazron mein/

Lamhon ne khata ki thi sadion ne saza pai




(There are some happenings in the eyes of history/When moments lapsed in sin and centuries bore the punishment).

Philosophy-- 6-Baikunth means Kuntha Rahit --- Without any Complexes, whatsoever

Philosophy-- 6-Bai kunth: without complexes Kuntha rahit

Philosophy-- 5-BeLan - means without

Philosophy--5- BeLan: w/o dick

Philosophy-- 4-Maasi stands for Maa Si (Like Mother)

Philosophy-- 4- Maasi: like mother

Philosophy-- 3-Paap aur Punya- Jeet and Haar a New Perspective

Philosophy--3-Jeet- Kissi bhi keemat pe--Punya




Haar- Paap

Philosophy--2-Currency Note that JUST CANNOT be COUNTERFEITED

Philosophy--2-Currency Note that JUST CANNOT be COUNTERFEITED

Philosophy--1-Designers Garments- Out of Box

We have been seeing the same garments for the last hundreds of years. Where is the change?



.....same Shirt, .same Trousers, .same Undies, .same socks... IAM SICK OF ALL THIS. You change the location of pocket, a button or two & you call it Designers Line.



Shit...

Philosophy-- 10- Brihad Karma Theory propounded by Satyabolbaba

Philosophy-- 10- Brihad Karma Theory propounded by Satyabolbaba



Q: Why Afghanistan is Suffering?

Q: Why Pakistan is Suffering?

Q: Why Hindustan is Suffering?

Q: Why America is Suffering?

Q: Why Muslims are Suffering?

Q: Why Christians are Suffering?

Q: Why Hindus are Suffering?

Happiness comes from.................

I live in Indore, in India 's heartland. On our way back from an adjacent town, my friend and I stopped at a highway dhaba. Placing our order, we stretched ourselves out on the cane chairs. A motley group of people occupied other tables. As we glanced around desultorily, a ragged man sauntered in and sat down. He poured himself a glass of water from the steel jug. He drank two whole glasses, but ordered no food, nor did the dhaba boys ask him. When our tea and samosas arrived, he looked at the food, filled his glass again and drank it. We saw no greed in his eyes, but it was an easy guess, that the guy was hungry and had no money.

The dhaba boy told us, 'Oh! That madman comes in everyday. If he has money, he eats something, otherwise he just drinks a few glasses of water and leaves.. My boss said that since water has been given to us by the Lord, we must never stop anyone drinking it at our dhaba.'

This logic really touched me. I asked the boy to serve the man a plate of samosas. When he did so, the man looked at him.. The boy pointed to us. The man looked at us but made no acknowledgement. As he picked up the first samosa, a little girl in rags walked up and just stood there. He gave her the samosa, which she wolfed down. He picked up the second one and handed that to her, too. She grabbed it and ran away. He pushed away his empty plate, filled up his glass again, drank the water and walked away from the dhaba without a backward glance.
    
I asked myself if I were capable of a gesture like that. The most I could muster was, 'I HOPE SO'. If sharing what we have in excess is generosity, then how would we describe what that madman did? 'SELFLESS LOVE'?
    
It is what intellectuals talk about and madmen practice.
    
Happiness comes from spiritual wealth,
not material wealth...
 

Happiness comes from giving, not getting.
 

If we try hard to bring happiness to others,
we cannot stop it from coming to us also.
 

To get joy, we must give it  and
 

to keep joy, we must scatter it. 
Have a nice day!

Be a Healthy Person this year

Health:

1.      Drink plenty of water.
2.      Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.      Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4.      Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5.      Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6.      Play more games.
7.      Read more books than you did last year.
8.      Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.      Sleep for 7 hours.
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11.    Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.    Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14.    Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.    Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake.
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but
         the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25.    Call your family often.
26.    Each day give something good to others.
27.    Forgive everyone for everything.
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business.
31.    Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32.    Do the right thing!
33.    Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34.    GOD heals everything.
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37.    The best is yet to come.
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39.    Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,  which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. 

We request you to check this.                                                 

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run'   he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
                                                                  
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? 

I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4... There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not   even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
                                                                  
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
                                                                  
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
provide   'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my  office hours.
                                                              
                                                     
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Hells -- Indian Hell is the Best

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' He   told, 'First  they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.'
 

The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out  the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.   

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of  people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'
He told, 'First they put you   in an  electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.'
'But  that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many  people waiting to get in?'

'Because maintenance is so bad that

    * the electric chair does not work,
    * someone  has stolen all the nails from the bed
    * and the devil is a former Govt  servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the  canteen!!!!! !

IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY"--Young King Arthur

This is very interesting..........

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,

He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified.

She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said

nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants?"

She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was.

The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.

And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.

But, what a sight awaited him.

The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.

"Which would you prefer? She asked him. "Beautiful during the day .... or at night?"

Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,

But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!

Or,

Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?

But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

What would YOUR choice be?

What should YOUR MAN'S choice be?

What Lancelot chose, is given below:

BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?

*

*

*

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time.

Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... what is the moral to this story?

The moral is...

1> There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!

2> If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get "ugly"

So, always remember:

**IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!!**

Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished us to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry, and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, and carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out, and touch this person!'


So I did.......




I won't be at Mass this week.

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character-Japanese Fishing Industry

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population,  fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish. If the return trip  took more time, the fish were not fresh. To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. 

They would catch the fish  and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between  fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish.

The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin  to fin. After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis!

But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan. How did they manage? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put  the fish in the tanks but with a small shark.

The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move. The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh!

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull? Basically in our lives, sharks are new  challenges to keep us active. If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. Your challenges keep you energized. Don't create success  and revel in it in a state of inertia. You have the abilities to make a difference. Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!

 "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character"- Albert Einstein

Dengue Fever Remedy

Dengue Fever Remedy

I would like to share this interesting discovery from a classmate's son who has just recovered from dengue fever. Apparently, his son was in the critical stage at the ICU when his blood platelet count drops to 15 after 15 liters of blood transfusion.


His father was so worried that he seeks another friend's recommendation and his son was saved. He confessed to me that he gave his son raw juice of the papaya leaves. From a platelet count of 45 after 20 liters of blood transfusion, and after drinking the raw papaya leaf juice, his platelet count jumps instantly to 135. Even the doctors and nurses were surprised. After the second day he was discharged. So he asked me to pass this good news around

Never laugh at a Chinese

Never laugh at a Chinese

    A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City  and asks for the loan
    officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business
    for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

    The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
    for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari
    parked on the street in front of the bank.
    He produces the title and everything checks out.

    The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The
    bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese
    for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
    An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
    underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Chinese
    returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,  which comes to $15.41.
    The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
    and this transaction has worked out vey nicely, but we are a little
    puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
    multi-millionaire. ... What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow
    $5,000. The Chinese replies:  'Where else in New York City can I park my
    car for two weeks for only $15.41  and expect it to be there safely when I
    return.'

Pearls of wisdom-Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,


it is your fate but,


if your father-in-law is a poor man,


it's your stupidity.

.....................


I was born intelligent -


education ruined me.


.....................

Practice makes perfect.....


But nobody's perfect......


so why practice?

.....................

If it's true that we are here to help others,


then what exactly are the others here for?

.....................

Since light travels faster than sound,


people appear bright until you hear them speak.


.....................

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.....................

Money is not everything.


There's MasterCard & Visa.

....................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman


And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.


....................

Every man should marry.


After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.


.....................

The wise never marry.


and when they marry they become otherwise.

....................


Success is a relative term.


It brings so many relatives.

.....................


Never put off the work till tomorrow


what you can put off today.
.....................

"Your future depends on your dreams"


So go to sleep

......................

There should be a better way to start a day


Than waking up every morning

.....................

"Hard work never killed anybody"


But why take the risk

....................



"Work fascinates me"


I can look at it for hours

.....................

God made relatives,


Thank God we can choose our friends.


......................

The more you learn, the more you know,


The more you know, the more you forget


The more you forget, the less you know


So.. why learn.

......................

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.


On my desk, I have a work station....


what more can I say.........

An angel wrote:

An angel wrote:







Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head, To handle others, use your heart.


Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays you once, it's his fault, if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.


Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events, Small minds discuss people.



God gives every bird it's food, But He does not throw it into it's nest.


He who loses money, loses much, He who loses a friend, loses more, He who loses faith, loses all.


Beautiful young people are acts of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.


Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.


The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.

India Tops- in 15 minutes the machine was stolen.

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves, they took it out to different countries for a test.



In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,

In UK , in 30 minutes it caught 50 thieves,

Spain , in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves,

Ghana , in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves,


India , in 15 minutes the machine was stolen.







just for fun.........take it as a joke

Coca Cola ad in Arab / Middle Est

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.


A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"


The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...


First poster- A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place


"That should have worked," said the friend.


The salesman replied "I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

Rape at 89

Now that we all are dwelling on the pros and cons of various curatives for the "middle" age, in a lighter vein here is something to light up your day!!




Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park everyday to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.



One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.


A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'


Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'


'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'


'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'


'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'


'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'


'The darn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'